An Essential Beauty Ingredient—Your Forgiveness IQ
Reading an article in O Magazine titled “Dr. Oz’s Ultimate Beauty Test,” I was curious to read what Dr. Oz's advice on ultimate beauty would be. The article contained a “You-Q” Test that would reveal where you are in relation to looking, feeling and being beautiful. After reading the article, I couldn’t help but think of an additional essential ingredient for a woman’s beauty—her Soul’s Forgiveness Q. Dr. Oz alludes to this area of the soul. This additional, essential ingredient, the Soul’s Forgiveness Q, is the quotient of a woman’s capacity to forgive freely—which keeps her beauty from being diminished by the free radicals of bitterness, anger and resentment.
Rate Your Forgiveness IQ
Is forgiving freely part of your daily beauty care program? How would you rate your Soul’s Forgiveness Q? Take the quiz below to evaluate your Soul’s Forgiveness IQ:
Being a forgiving person enhances one’s emotional health. True/False
Forgiveness is overlooking the wrong done by others. True/False
Forgiveness requires me to psychoanalyze the offender. True/False
Does forgiveness require me to emotionally hold my breath? True/False
Forgiveness means moving on by ignoring the offense. True/False
Time heals all wounds. True/false
(Only the first question is true, the remaining questions were false. How did you do?)
1. Being a forgiving person enhances one’s emotional health. Emotional health requires that a woman free her soul from the “free radicals” of unforgiveness that are often marinating in a woman’s soul. Emotional maturity and beauty in a woman flows from her understanding of forgiving so that her soul is free to love again.
2. Forgiveness is overlooking the wrong done by others. Such Stoic numbness is a rush to forgive without taking the time to feel the trauma and pain. This overlooking is like an emotional coma—self-protection—to avoid having to process the raw experience of forgiveness. To overlook a wrong is often accomplished by: Minimization- overlooking the wrong by minimizing the offense.
3. Forgiveness requires me to psychoanalyze the offender. Another name for this is “pity-based analysis” in an attempt to explain away foul behavior with excuses for the offender.
4. Does forgiveness require me to emotionally hold my breath? Too often a woman will “hold her breath” in an attempt to “suck it up” and put on a brave face. Holding one’s breath emotionally in relation to being hurt by another, does not allow for the proper evaluation of the impact of the offense.
5. Forgiveness means moving on by ignoring the offense. Many women have attempted to control the impact of being offended –by being highly driven—trying to outrun the heart offense through success. I can remember seeing my mom scrubbing the kitchen floor at 4am because she was attempting to “scrub past” her broken heart!
6. Time heals all wounds. People may say that time heals all wounds, but if someone has not done the hard work of forgiveness, time only moves the pain below the surface. So often a person will say, “It hurts too much to feel the pain again.” And my reply is “It hurts more not to feel it.” The insidious crime of rape is not what ultimately kills the soul; it is the shaming silence a woman lives with, often for years, that holds her hostage to the deep offense.
Maybe today is a day for a “Soul Facial,” allowing the truths you just read to peel away some of the dead cells of unforgiveness in your soul. Stop holding your breath emotionally and start breathing in the truth about forgiveness—and free yourself to love.
(Adapted from the book: Free Yourself to Love by Jackie Kendall)